Friendship By Numbers
There’s a rule of thumb for dating where you divide your age by two and add seven and if your prospective date is younger than the result then they’re too young for you. By those standards it gives a 23 year old “permission” to date an 18 year old, but how often do you open yourself up to being friends with someone of that age?
Up until a few years ago when searching for new friends, even online, I would look for someone the same age as me with the same interests. It meant I didn’t even give myself a chance to talk to people 10 or even five years older than me because I’d already decided the age difference would make us incompatible for friendship. I assumed anyone that much older than me would think I was too young to hang out with them and anyone that much younger than me wouldn’t have the same life experiences and we wouldn’t have anything to share.
But how backwards is that thinking! It’s great to have a besty or two that are exactly like you, but it’s even better to find friends that you can learn something from. I met Chickie Little at work. Together we lamented about our bosses and hung out at work events and eventually got to know each other better and found that despite our five and a half year age gap we like many of the same things (and dislike the same things) and we are both in relationships and our partners get along well which makes double dating easy and movie nights easy. Chickie with her never age asian features often looks younger than me despite the ring on her finger and humongous baby bump, and her husband is a typical never grow old geek despite being in his early thirties.
Chickie has taught me a lot about baking and geeky stuff, things I wouldn’t have found in a friend if I kept looking for someone exactly like me. Other ex colleagues I consider friends are mothers, grandmothers, sporty, they all teach me something about who I am and bring unique perspectives to my life. I bring the perspective of a Gen Y’er to the relationship and let them know it’s ok to hate your job but you should do something about it, and that you’re allowed to challenge the status quo, and that a lot of 23 year olds are actually intelligent and self sufficient.
So next time you’re stuck talking to your workmate, teacher, boyfriends little sister, don’t think about age. Get to know them like you would anyone else. They might become a great friend.
11 Responses to “Friendship By Numbers”
I have friends of all different ages…my best friend is two years younger than me, though that’s not a lot. And when we moved here, we befriended our neighbor and thus, all of her friends…and it’s a little weird sometimes hanging out with a bunch of 35-40 year olds, but fun nonetheless! And most of my online friends are 5-6 years older than me. Oh, I’m turning 21 later this month, and Matt’s turning 23 later this month, for reference. I like having a good variety of ages among my friends, though – it gives you more perspective & different viewpoints (you know, in case you need to poll them all or something! ;) )
Couldn’t agree more, I think actually friendship with bigger age gaps is easier than dating. The post graduate course I’m doing has a wide range of ages, from mid 20s to 30s and it’s amazing the friendships you can form with people outside the age gap.
I totally agree, I have never considered age when making friends..I’m 29 and I have friends who have just entered their 20s and those that are mid 40s, and a huge range inbetween.
I’ve always lived by the motto that you can never have too many friends, and now I know a wide variety of people from all different backgrounds, cultures etc and they all add a little more richness to my life, and allow me to be as open minded as possible.
Oh shucks, thanks :)
I can’t wear my wedding ring now because of my fat fingers so I look like a pregnant teen… at least I wear shoes outside.
You guys are my youngest friends, but we get along so well and that’s all that matters.
I so agree with this. I’ve got friends – and they really are friends – in theirs 50s. I’ve always loved hanging out with my aunt who’s in her 40s. When you click, you just click. It is harder with dating though, or at least I think it is. I probably wouldn’t be too keen on having a 50+ yr old husband even though I’m in my 30s. Mind you, I wouldn’t want a 25 year old either. Somehow with friendship, age doesn’t have to matter. Values, standards, stages in life – that’s what seem to be the major factors.
i agree! most of my friends are about 4 years younger than me, as is my boyfriend, but it doesn’t make much of a difference. some of my friends are only 19 and i love them all the same. my best friend is 3 days older than me and will sometimes whinge about how young some of my friends are but if i don’t care, why should she? at the other end of the scale, one of my closest friends is 40 and we have so much in common, the fact she has a 4 year old daughter only strengthens our relationship. (im 25 btw)
I had no idea about that rule! When I was 16, I was engaged to a 24 year old. Without being aware of this rule of thumb, even then it was pretty obvious that wasnt gonna work.
But now most people I hang out with are much older, in their 30′s, end of 30′s.. maybe it also has to do with a persons perspective, and of course maturity.
Intersting!
http://www.trustme-itsparadise.blogspot.com
You know how much of a Twitter addict I am… but I’ve found that I’ve met such an amazing variety of people, with a great range of life experiences, just through the Brisbane Twitter meetups!! When I was working in an office, it was always nice to have an “Office Mum” too :D
It’s great that you can be friends with someone that much older than you!
I love hanging out with my great aunt who is in her 60s.
Wow, you were engaged! There is always exceptions to the rule. But you always have to question a 24 year old guys motivations for wanting to be with a 16 year old girl.
So true. To be honest (and sometimes this can be a negative thing), I very rarely notice a person’s age – I really do view people as people and am just as comfortable striking up a conversation with a 13 year-old as I am a 80 year-old. I think this is largely due to the many, many years I’ve served in retail; everyone’s age varies and you quickly learn to become confident speaking to anyone and everyone. My boyfriend is seven years older than me (something that has ALWAYS courted attention/horror), and while most of my closest friends are in their 20′s like I am, some of them are in their 40′s.. I love them equally and while I may not be able to relate to some of my older friends on EVERY issue (e.g., kids!), I’ve been introduced to some fantastic perspectives, wise words and such good friendship.. I really wouldn’t have it any other way!
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