Thankfully I have some beautifully talented readers to take up the slack when I feel like I need a holiday from blogging! Corrine ever so kindly stepped up to the plate with this gem today and I’ll bet it’s something we can all relate to. I have girl crushes on so many of you btw. x

By Corrine, www.frockandrollonline.com

Have you ever experienced a ”girl crush”? You have? EXCELLENT! I can now dedicate what WOULD have been an entire paragraph on definitions to instead discussing possibly more important things, like ice-cream. Gosh, I love ice-cream.

Okay, enough fooling around already! (Or Ms Constantine will surely never let me guest post here again.) Coined to describe ”feelings of admiration and adoration which a girl has for another girl, without wanting to shag said girl. A nonsexual attraction, usually based on veneration at some level” (why thank-you, Urban Dictionary!), it’s likely that you’ve spent some time with the emotion if you’ve ever marvelled at a friend’s amazing ability to style herself, coveted her phenomenal skill at attracting men folk or found yourself remarking ”why can’t I be just like her?!” in reference to a female acquaintance.

While it can almost sound like a negative experience, actually? It’s not. At ALL. In fact, it can even serve as an amazing opportunity to harness the EXACT fabulous qualities that you’d like to possess for yourself. For example, if you’re green with envy over another girl’s seemingly perfect physique, why not use the situation as pure inspiration to develop an exercise routine of your own that you’ll love? If it’s Jessica’s astounding social circle that has you feeling a little begrudging, why not work the issue to your best advantage by deciding to improve your own friendships? If it’s Ashley’s dazzling smile that you hold in such high regard, why not practice being as happy, friendly and charming as possible, and beam at everyone that you see?

Conjure up the very image of your personal girl crush, or think of the most fascinating female that you know. What is it about her that makes her so mesmerising and truly delightful, and more importantly, what can you learn from her?

Whether it’s something that you want to establish immediately, or would like to incorporate as part of your 2010 resolutions, light up the room. Astonish everyone around you with your sparkling conversation skills. Thrill with your kind demeanour. Enchant with your sense of humour. BE the very girl that you admire the most, and watch as you blossom into the very best version of yourself that you can possibly be.

Corrine blogs about fashion, self improvement, and everything in between at her cleverly named blog Frock and Roll.

Oh yes, we love our tuberculosis jokes in the Cupcake Factory (see: The Boy always shortened to TB on twitter).

I’m not actually suggesting you try to kill someone by infecting them with TB I’m making a very grown up suggestion (again) that you stop cluttering your friends and families houses gift shop trinkets and candles because you really had no idea what to get them. Instead you should be gifting consumables. Great gifts that will leave nothing but memories in the end.

Even in a recession many childless couples and singles are in a position to buy themselves whatever takes their fancy, they don’t need to wait for gifts or an increase on their credit limit, they just buy. But if they’re anything like me they’ll be buying chocolate, but never a box of the really good ones; the wine but nothing above $20; and the only foliage in the house is plants, not flowers. You see where I’m heading with this?

There is only one week till giftmas day! I know right, I have never been this disorganised before leaving on holiday in my life. I have 2 days to clean all my clothes and pack up my life for three weeks.

Just in case you’re a slacker like me this year here are some ideas for last minute gift buyers without a clue what to grab.

• Hampers Great for food lovers, fill a decorated box (easier to get rid of, and cheaper, than a wicker basket) with chocolates, olives, nuts, and sauces.
• Alcohol Be a gracious guest this holiday season and provide some lovely wine to drink. It doesn’t have to be too expensive, your host will be stoked that you appreciate them.
  Or if you have 17 year olds in your life you’ll go own in history as the best sister/aunt/mum ever if you provide the just under ageds with something that will get them wasted.
• Subscriptions Magazines, dvd rentals, cheese of the month. It’s the gift that keeps on giving!
• Cleaning I would LOVE someone to come scrub my kitchen and bathroom – unless the recipient is a clean freak that doesn’t need a break in that department I wouldn’t worry too much about offending.
  Or you could offer to clean mum’s house in preparation for guests, she’ll really appreciate your help!
• Homemade treats Chinese takeout boxes can be bought for cheap and filled with homemade treats like sugar cookies, truffles, and fruit mince pies.
• Lessons Cooking lessons (available at every price point), language, dancing, photography. Won’t clutter the house but will stick with them for life!
• Tattoos What could be more special than paying for a much wanted permanent artwork that your recipient will carry for life? I say nothing.
• Body care While usually an intensely personal item if you know your recipient well, or spend a lot of time in their bathroom, you’ll probably know what products they use. Buy those. Moisturiser can be expensive yo.
• Geek stuff If you’re a geek you could create your bestie a site of her very own. Buy your travelling friend a subscription or renewal to Flickr so you can keep an eye on the snaps. Surprise your internet buddy with her very own .com so she can get rid of the blogspot part of her address.
• Vouchers If all else fails vouchers of any kind trump incense and ceramic kittens. Make it personal by giving a voucher to their favourite clothing shop, a meal at their favourite restaurant, or iTunes money for your music obsessed little brother. Other great vouchers include food, spa treatments, movie tickets, and those booklets from your boyfriend that you can use at any time and he has to do what it says.

What’s your favourite consumable?

Last week Rabbit wrote a fantastic post about grey areas of sexual consent. She discussed the notion that consent isn’t the opposite of rape, enthusiastic consent is. And it got me thinking about how this applies to everyday human interactions, not just sex.

How many times have you been talking to someone, whether you know them well or not, and they suggest doing something? A business venture, a night out clubbing, a coffee date, and while your heart isn’t in it you still say you’ll check your calendar or “yeah, I guess that could be ok” when you really want to say no.

Now think about how many times you’ve been the one asking the question. Where you’ve cajoled and coerced to get someone interested.

As someone that’s learnt most of what she knows about business from the internet I should be endorsing any number of pushy tactics to try and get people to listen. I should say that you never take no for an answer. But the reality is if someone isn’t interested then your emails and prodding will get you blocked and marked as spam. This particular customer or friend may never trust you again and they’ll never sign up to another newsletter that you’re involved in.
Always offer an unsubscribe link (metaphorical or actual) and make sure it works.

If your people aren’t enthusiastic about what you’ve got on offer you need to be able to take no for an answer. Take a step back, reassess what you’re offering and then let them know you’re available if they change their mind.
Have you ever naively stopped to talk with a Greenpeace volunteer and agreed to sign their petition only to be harangued for 20 minutes as he tries to sign you up for monthly donations? Despite protests that you’re self employed and don’t have a steady wage, that you’d rather he emailed the information he won’t let up. I have, and I’ll never stop to sign a petition with Greenpeace again for fear of not being able to get away.

Do you really have enough energy to expend on someone that’s not enthusiastic? Can you afford to have people avoiding you just so they don’t have to feel awkward saying no?

Don’t get me wrong, I love summer in New Zealand. It rarely gets too hot (high 20s), everyone is getting their required dose of vitamin D and it’s making them happy, holidays abound, and there is a general sense of love and frivolity in the air.

However, above New Zealand is a giant hole in the Ozone. This means an extremely fast burn time (think 5 minutes at midday for someone fair skinned like me) and a high risk of skin cancer whether you tan or not. I’m not a sporty type, I don’t get much enjoyment from battling waves in the ocean or feeling uncoordinated while trying to throw a frisbee, so I usually sit under a tree with the other pale uncos or amuse myself with books, photographs, and music.

What you need

1. Cool Clothes – I’m a big fan of rockabilly clothing but it’s almost always too windy to wear flowy dresses and skirts in Wellington. Pencil skirts are great for combating the wind but make lounging on the grass and sand difficult. Capris are sexy and generally stretchy – perfect for summer! I wore my pair a lot last year, this year I’m thinking of getting a few more and embracing by ass and thighs.
   A pair of loose dress pants are also essential for night time in summer. Mosquitoes, evening breezes, and sunburnt legs stuck to chairs be gone.
2. Distractions – While everyone else is off doing cartwheels I like to read a book, listen to some music, or take pictures of the fun. Books and music are also great for occupying the pockets of time you can grab for yourself in between holiday visitors.
3. Protection – For pasties especially a wide brimmed hat and plenty of sunblock are essential for staying healthy during summer. Sunburn is never fun and never hawt. If you have tattoos make sure to either keep them out of the sun or heavily sunscreened, you don’t want your artwork fading do you?
   If you’ve got darker skin, or skin that tans don’t forget you’re still at risk for sunburn and skin cancer! The only safe tan is one that comes from a bottle.
4. Hydration – Worse (IMO) than sunburn is heat stroke. You really don’t want to go there, it’s a nasty nasty business. Stay hydrated when it’s hot outside and if you’re drinking alcohol match each drink with a glass of water.
5. Bottomless pitBag – Gotta have somewhere to store your travelling fun, and a big pretty bag is most ideal. You’ll probably end up being asked to look after everyone elses stuff too so lots of pockets are a must.

What do you need to get through summer?

There’s a rule of thumb for dating where you divide your age by two and add seven and if your prospective date is younger than the result then they’re too young for you. By those standards it gives a 23 year old “permission” to date an 18 year old, but how often do you open yourself up to being friends with someone of that age?

Up until a few years ago when searching for new friends, even online, I would look for someone the same age as me with the same interests. It meant I didn’t even give myself a chance to talk to people 10 or even five years older than me because I’d already decided the age difference would make us incompatible for friendship. I assumed anyone that much older than me would think I was too young to hang out with them and anyone that much younger than me wouldn’t have the same life experiences and we wouldn’t have anything to share.

But how backwards is that thinking! It’s great to have a besty or two that are exactly like you, but it’s even better to find friends that you can learn something from. I met Chickie Little at work. Together we lamented about our bosses and hung out at work events and eventually got to know each other better and found that despite our five and a half year age gap we like many of the same things (and dislike the same things) and we are both in relationships and our partners get along well which makes double dating easy and movie nights easy. Chickie with her never age asian features often looks younger than me despite the ring on her finger and humongous baby bump, and her husband is a typical never grow old geek despite being in his early thirties.

Chickie has taught me a lot about baking and geeky stuff, things I wouldn’t have found in a friend if I kept looking for someone exactly like me. Other ex colleagues I consider friends are mothers, grandmothers, sporty, they all teach me something about who I am and bring unique perspectives to my life. I bring the perspective of a Gen Y’er to the relationship and let them know it’s ok to hate your job but you should do something about it, and that you’re allowed to challenge the status quo, and that a lot of 23 year olds are actually intelligent and self sufficient.

So next time you’re stuck talking to your workmate, teacher, boyfriends little sister, don’t think about age. Get to know them like you would anyone else. They might become a great friend.

It wasn’t until a few months ago that I realised how important it is to answer comprehensively when you’re asked what medications you’re on. The optometrist/dentist/gynaecologist etc isn’t being weird when they ask you, they’re asking so they can keep you safe and give you the best care. They’re not going to judge you because you’re on the pill (and if they do you should find yourself a new provider), and if you are on it, you should be including it in the list of medications you’re on along with your over the counter hay fever tablets and the aspirin you take a few times a week.

I realised how widely the pill can affect your body when I discussed contacts with my optometrist recently. We talked about my dry eyes and how they get irritated really easily when I wear contacts, and that liquid tears don’t seem to help. He asked if I was on the pill and it all made sense when he said that being on the pill can cause dry eye symptoms. A medication that affects your body so much it thinks it’s pregnant when it’s not it is bound to affect other areas of your body. It’s something us ladies taking oral contraceptives need to be aware of.

Don’t be ashamed.

A myth about “the pill”

You do not need to take a break from it. The biggest myth about the pill is that it’s unhealthy for you to be on it for long periods of time, and that it can cause infertility. That’s a pile of crap, you are able to get pregnant immediately after you stop taking the pill. That includes times where you don’t ingest it properly due to illness. Women that have trouble getting pregnant after coming off the pill would have had trouble getting pregnant anyway, especially if they’re now in their late thirties and prime child bearing age has passed.

In fact, the only reason there is a 7 day sugar pill section in every 28 day pack is because it was thought women would adjust to it easier if they still got their period. If you are on a pill with steady dosage you can quite easily take 2-3 packs in a row and get your period 4-6 times a year instead of 12. That’s what I do.

Leggings are not a substitute for pants. Please stop taking your fashion advice from Lindsay Lohan and start thinking for yourself.

Before you leave the house look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself these questions:

• Am I wearing leggings?
• Are my “pants” really tight, thin and stretchy?
• Do my “pants” accentuate my crotch?

If you answered no to all of those questions you have reached the end of the questionnaire.
Feel free to leave the house and be seen in public.

If you answered yes to any of those questions continue with these:

• Am I wearing a large/long top that covers my ass and crotch?
• Am I wearing a skirt/dress/shorts/pants?
• Am I leaving the house in order to go running or go to the gym only?

If you answered yes to any of these questions you have reached the end of the questionnaire.
Feel free to leave the house and be seen in public.

If you answered no to all of those questions please go back to bed and try dressing yourself again when you have had some rest.

1. Run like hell!!!, 2. cracks, 3. Paris under the snow, 4. swarm1

• Have your say . Stick up for yourself at work or school, make sure you’re heard! Many people in life will warn you not to make trouble, that’s it’s not worth it. But in my experience everyone’s secretly hoping someone will have the balls to stand up to the bully.
• Remember that being able to do the basics really well is a lot more helpful than being able to do some complicated task mediocre. You’re not going to be an expert straight away when you’re learning something new. Knowing how to cook a few basic pasta dishes  will help you more in life than knowing how to make an 8 tier sponge cake from scratch. Learn to walk before you  run.
• When people ask what you do don’t feel obliged to answer with your job title. If you love your job that’s great, otherwise tell them you listen to music, bake, take photos, blog, or whatever else you choose to do with the time you have.
• Taking each day as it comes is advice often given to people depressed about their situation. That’s fine advice if you’re trying to get someone back from the ledge, but if you’re not quite at the suicide stage you need to do something now! Living for the weekend; for the next holiday; trying to drag yourself out of bed everyday is not really living.Find your passion, work hard, and actually live.

If you’re lucky and organised (like me *smug grin*) then all your xmas shopping will be done and your present wrapping is underway and you’re looking forward to finishing work for the year and eating and drinking and being merry.

If not here are some basic rules to abide by when you are mad dashing it through the shops trying to find something special.

1. NO CANDLES – always abide by this rule. Candles are shithouse. The only reasonable excuses for buying this sorry excuse for a last minute present are:
   • The person you are buying for collects, cupcakes/unicorns/cows and you find an awesome cupcake/unicorn/cow candle they will appreciate
   • The candle smells amazing like coconut and looks gorgeous at the same time
   • The recipient is crazy on a certain colour, like pink, and the candle is crazy pink and perfect for the recipient, you know the recipient well, and you know they’d appreciate it
   • You have bought them a fondue set and are supplying extra tea light candles
   • You want the person to hate you forever
2. Ornaments – The candle rules apply here too.

3. Consumables are good - Rather than picking an ugly $10 statuette of a dolphin consider some chocolates or even hand picked flowers.Flowers are organic so will degrade when they’ve done their dash. Once they’re dead all remnants will be removed from the house and there will be no resentment about the ugly dolphin hiding in the closet.Chocolates will be eaten and packaging will be the only remnant which can be disposed of. Homemade cookies or cupcakes show consideration and care.

   Choose wine or alcohol only when you know what the recipient prefers or if they have a lot of guests. It’s never nice to receive a nasty bottle of red wine, especially when you don’t drink red.
   Consumables are always the best bet when you have no idea what to give someone.

4. Vouchers – Most people consider giving vouchers a cop-out. But they’re ideal for teenagers who generally don’t have much money to splurge.
   They’re also great for clothing and music because they’re both very personal things.If the person you are buying for has enough money to buy whatever they want consider getting them a voucher to an unusual shop they wouldn’t normally frequent so they can get something extra special. Buying a meal for two at a nice restaurant or a hotel room for the night if you really want to splurge is a fun idea too.
5. Don’t buy photo albums unless you:
   • Know the recipient uses film
   • Fill it with photos first
   • Give a photo printing voucher as well
6. Avoid lunch hours – The hours between 12 and 2 are crazy busy on the streets right now. Office workers are out in force at these time. You will get annoyed and give up early.
7. No perfume – Perfumes are intensely personal so avoid them unless you know the recipients signature scent. A gorgeous natural body moisturiser, scrub, or bath bomb (if they have a bath) is a great alternative and a consumable gift.
8. Donations – For the eco warrior, selfless, or people who have everything make someone else’s holiday. Donate food, time, money, or gifts in their name. Oxfam has a great scheme called Oxfam Unwrapped that I’ve been using for a few years now. There are a bunch of different “gifts” ranging from goats and chickens, to toilets and condoms. Each gift has a different price and the money goes in the general direction that you aim it. There is some flexibility so that money goes where it’s needed most, the website gives this example:
   

   For example, your purchase of a donkey will be used for:
   Buying local donkeys (this saves us a lot of wrapping and postage costs)
   Getting them to the families they will be helping
   Training families in how to care for their donkeys
   Other essential parts of our rural livelihood work, like farming tools and training – helping impoverished farmers take the first essential step out of poverty.

   Each purchase come with a card featuring a cute picture of the gift you purchased, you can choose e-cards for instant delivery.
   This campaign has been superbly delivered over the years and the cute donkeys and ducks draw me in every time.

9. Most of all think before you buy. What would you honestly think if you received that present. Now put yourself in the recipients shoes and really think about what they would appreciate

Going flatting for the first time should be an exciting experience.
Once you’ve moved onto your second or third flat you will begin to learn exactly what you do and don’t want out of a flat and out of your flatmates.

This guide is for first timers that don’t have that experience.

• Number 1 rule – Don’t flat with friends
  Flatting with friends will almost always ruin the friendship on some level. When you have to live with a friend who’s untidy, bad with money, or just has too many strange quirks you will get annoyed.
  The biggest problem with this one is that the annoyances won’t be evident until you’re living together.

  I’ve seen it work. But only with older more experienced flatties who are capable of taking care of themselves.

Get the best place you can afford for happy home living!

• No one living above you – Noise from below you and beside you can be terrible when you’re living in an apartment, but worst of all is the noise from above. With wooden floors you’ll hear every creak and footstep.When all you want is a sleep in on a Saturday morning you’ll dread the day you ever moved into the house where the people above like to vacuum at 8am
• Live with as few people as possible – Lucky for us we are in a position where me and the boy no longer need flatmates. In the end you’ll likely hate having flatmates. They’re great to help you find your feet at first though. As long as you don’t have to share the place with 8 others.
• Boys or girls? – A tough one to get right. Too many girls can cause a bitch fight, but too many boys can a smelly house make. Know who you get along with better or go for an even mix
• Property manager or landlord? – Landlords often lack the organisation or time needed to properly care for their property, or their tenants. This can mean they’re hard to get hold of when things can go wrong; and proper processes aren’t followed when the rent needs to be raised, they want to do a property inspection or when you want your bond paid back. There are some excellent landlords out there, but they are as hard to find as great flatmates.Property managers will have a lot of houses to look after and their business depends on keeping the owner of the house happy. The sheer volume of houses property managers have to deal with everyday can mean they are also hard to get hold of sometimes. They generally know what restrictions are placed on entering a property and the procedures they need to follow along the way. Try to find people that have rented off a particular property manager before to see what their style is.
• Know what your flatmates do for a living
  Before you sign yourself up for your new residence know what hours your flatmates are going to be working. It can be a real pain in the ass when you’ve got 4 people all wanting to use the shower at the same time.
  It an be equally annoying when the bar worker gets home at 3am and slams the front door right next to your bedroom.
• Where is the flat situated?
  Are you happy to live far away from town so you can afford a nicer place? You will have to factor in your travel time everyday.
  We prefer to live within walking distance to town so that we don’t have to rely on public transport.

You’ve found a place you like, and you’ve been accepted as a flatmate (or tenant). What now?

Know exactly where you stand and what is expected of you
You should know the following things, preferably in writing:

• When is the property available?
  What date can you move in?
• Are you a tenant or a flatmate?
  You are a tenant if you have signed the tenancy agreement. This means you are jointly responsible for the flat as a whole (including rent payments) with anyone else who has signed the agreement.

  If you are a flatmate you need to make an agreement with the tenant about your responsibilities and notice requirements. Know what happens if the tenant wants to move out. Does this mean you have to move out too?

• Is it a fixed-term tenancy or a periodic tenancy?
  If it is fixed term understand you may have to move out when the term is up. If the landlord wants fixed term and you don’t you could try arranging it so the lease automatically switches to a periodic tenancy when you’ve done your 6 month/1 year fixed term.
  In New Zealand periodic tenancy requires 3 weeks notice when you want to move out. Your landlord may agree to a shorter time but arrange this before anything is signed.
• How much is the rent?
  Set up an automatic payment so it goes to the right place, on time. Your flat may have a joint account where money for power, phone, internet, food etc goes. Make sure you know what it’s going to cost you.
• How much bond is required?
  Also, when will this be paid out to you? People often move into a flat by taking someones place and make casual arrangements for bond refunds. You may lose your bond if the previous flatmate left with unpaid rent and the landlord claims it.
• Get insurance!
  I don’t know the laws in other countries, but not having insurance in New Zealand could ruin your life.
  When you have contents insurance this should include legal liability insurance. This means if you accidentally cause damage to the property (like burning it down because you left the stove on) your insurance will cover the cost of reparations. Without it you could spend the rest of your life paying off a mortgage you get no benefit from.

The Department of Building and Housing has excellent advice specific to New Zealand law for tenants and landlords through all stages of a tenancy. Unfortunately the Department of Building and Housing can only help with disputes for tenants, your rights are different if you are a flatmate. Make sure you keep a record and receipts of rent payments in case anything goes wrong.

Got questions about going renting for the first time? leave a comment or send me an email.