Comedy Divas

Ever had a seagull on your left shoulder?

Um, no.

Ever had a magpie on your right shoulder?

Where is this going? No, I have never had any seagulls or magpies on either of my shoulders.

Ah, but I bet you’ve had a cock or two in your mouth though ay.

I wish I was a comedian. Even though I’d never have the guts to get over my intense fear of public speaking, with the thought that someone at the back of the room can actually see how hard my heart is beating through my shirt. But I’d love to be able to write like a comedian. Like Nicole from More is Better, I never skim her posts because she’s so fucking funny.

Tonight I was lucky enough to score a ticket to Comedy Divas. Seven hilarious lady comedians cracking jokes about stupid vegans; how they’re all totally sexy playas; and how homophobia would be more acceptable if it was like arachnophobia – The valid fear of finding a gay man in your bath tub. I do like Jim’s (female, funny lady) chosen name for the evening better than Comedy Divas though: Funny Cunts.

If you ever get a chance to see Justine Smith, Maeve Higgins, Irene Pink, Zoe Lyons, Jan Maree, Jim Stanton, or Sarah Harpur perform don’t hesitate. These ladies are amaze.

Party Time! Excellent!

My last post was almost 3 weeks ago?! That’s fucking ridiculous and perhaps just the kick up the ass I need to show me how lazy I’ve been. The best cure for writers block is to just write something, anything, “they” say. So it’s worth a try.

Friday night saw my first party at 361, a K party (dress up theme, not ketamine sharing) in honour of my inhabitation of the flat. Smarty pants flatmate Jason set the up the photobooth he created to capture everyones costumes/inebriated states.

Here are a few goodies.

Photobooth 1

L to R: Kiki of Kiki’s delivery service (aka flattie Kate), Kermit (aka Michael), Karen O (aka flattie Sophie), Karl Lagerfeld (aka Laura), Koala (aka Emma); Kanye (aka flattie Jason), Karl Lagerfeld; Kleptomaniac (aka Stacey), Kate from Lost (aka ME); Klytemnestre (aka Jo).

Photobooth 2

L to R: K’ Rd hooker (aka Hannah), Kramer (aka Finn), Karen O; KGB officer (aka Karen), Jo; Me, King Midas (aka Ella, she was originally gold in another language but I can’t remember the language), Kate; Kaleidoscope (aka flattie Brendan), photobomber Stacey.

Photobooth 3

L to R: Laura (omg isn’t she perfect as Karl?!), pieces of Kermit; Karaoke queen (aka Beth), Stacey; Kelly (aka Kelly), Jo, Kink (aka Bad Tom); Kate, Sophie, Emma.

Photobooth 4

L to R: Kid (aka Anna), Jo, Tom; Flatties pre dress up – Me, Sophie, Kate, and photo bomber Jason; Me, Karen, Jo, Kim Thayil (aka Lisa); Michael, Laura, Me.

Drinking Rum Is In My Job Description

cocktails

I love rum. It’s my favourite alcoholic beverage. So when Jo put out the feelers for someone to accompany her to a Monday afternoon rum cocktail championship at Bettys my hand went up immediately.

10 of the top bartenders from around New Zealand competed for a chance to be flown to Cuba and represent NZ in the Havana Club final next year. I expected to see lots of interesting ingredients and fancy tricks and I wasn’t disappointed.

Arriving at 1 when the event was supposed to start meant we were unfashionably on time, but it also meant we got in on the free drinks (!) from the first round. Ginger beer, lime, and dark rum to start with. Yum.

Nearly all of the contenders were as good at entertaining as they were at bartending. With 10 minutes to create 3 drinks they still found plenty of time to make crude jokes and banter with the presenter. With cocktail names like butter my nuts, and one of the contestants claims that his pina colada will make 18 year olds putty in his hands, it didn’t take much more encouragement for Jo, Laura, and I to giggle loudly things like “give it a wet shake” and “it’s all about shaking the flesh”. More free cocktails probably helped. Jo’s twitter hashtag for the event was proving more and more accurate – #cockchamp.

Cockchamps

Christchurch competitor Charles injected a kiwi flavour into his drinks and his humour. His first cocktail being a brojito which contained watercress and L&P and came with a side of fry bread in the shape of a pig face.

My award for most entertaining went to the final competitor of the day who was running very late due to being held up in customs. He arrived in a red bow tie and butchers apron claiming he was late because he was 3 cigars and a bottle of rum over his limit and had to “dispose” of them before he could get on the plane. He ended up going 4 minutes over his time allowance and said he’d have to share his photos of Cuba with the winner because there was no chance he’d get to go again.

In the end it was the sole female entrant – Claire Harlick of Matterhorn – that won. Girls just do it better.

Most entertaining trick – Pouring flaming liquid between jugs
Coolest looking drink – Pina colada in an old fashioned milk bottle
Tastiest cocktail (from the few samples we got)- A chocolatey porter beer concoction from Johnny of Hawthorne Lounge
Most impressed by – How many ingredients these perfectionists make from scratch!

My creation

WordCamp NZ 2009 – I'll Be There!

Wordpress fan art dandy pink

A couple of weeks ago I learned through the blogging grapevine that WordCamp is coming to New Zealand for the first time. And I immediately thought what the hell is Wordcamp?

From the WordCamp NZ site:

WordCamp is a conference that focuses on everything WordPress. WordCamps are informal, community-organized events that are put together by WordPress users like you. Everyone from casual users to core developers participate, share ideas, and get to know each other. WordCamps are open to WordPress.com and WordPress.org users alike.

There should be interesting speakers and networking opportunities for both bloggers and developers. Matt Mullenweg, founding developer of WordPress, is a keynote speaker for the event! Early bird tickets are a steal at only $75+GST for both days and the price includes a tshirt. If you order before the 23rd of July your tee will be ready on the day so you can be an über nerd. Kinda like wearing a band’s tshirt to their concert. Except the only people likely to draw similarities between going to a concert and going to a geek gathering are the type of people that go to WordCamps.

Anyway…when I found out the event is being held only a few blocks from my house in Wellington, and after I convinced Chickie Little to come with me, I lost any excuses for not going. So on the 8th and 9th of August you’ll find me at the Mt Victoria Bowling Club attending WordCamp NZ. If you’re a WordPress user and you can get to Wellington on the 8th and 9th it would be great to meet up. Let me know if you’ll be around!

Happy 200th Birthday Charlie

Happy 200th birthday Charles Darwin. Thanks for being crazy smart.

Ding, dong, Bush is gone

Congratulations America. We can all go back to believing you are the country of dreams and prosperity now.

American Humanist Association Obama Ad
[Via Friendly Atheist]

Read President Barack Obama’s inauguration speech

Just for fun

Me and Chickie Little posing terribly in our togas made from sheets before our work xmas do at the Greek Taverna (which was fantastic btw).

greek-animation1

Happy Monkey!

Thanks for making this a great year. I love you guys.

Posts will be intermittent at best until January 5 while I scheme plans for next year and eat too much food with my family.

Look after yourselves :D

*Happy Monkey origins

Super Summer Starter 2008 Aftermath

Wow!

Had to open with that because man was it good! The scene is set as we pull onto the gravel road at Pourerere Beach in Hawkes Bay. There are plenty of parking spots available up the driveway because we’ve taken the day off in order to enjoy the weekend to its full potential. The tent is the only thing taken out of the car until we find a camping spot, and soon I’m glad we didn’t lug the suitcase around the hill to start with.

For camping we are instructed to find a spot and huddle together so there is room for everyone. The land has been flattened in pockets up the hill. The spots are all pretty private, surrounded by trees, it’s insanely cute and I want to stay there forever.

We are first met with the sight of a bach with a huge deck, there is a large tent pitched beside it with a sign saying it’s the girls powder room “No Boys Allowed”. It makes me groan that some girls can’t go two days without needing a large mirror to apply their makeup, but then some girls are just like that.

Behind the house is huge marquee, with a stage for the bands, and behind that the hill extends upwards. When the owners bought the land 15 years ago they were told nothing would grow on it, that didn’t stop them from covering it in trees though. Now it’s the only place on the hill with bush land. It’s truly beautiful.

Night one

Alone in the tent, I’ve “showered” with baby wipes, I’ve got my bright pink PJ pants and the blow up bed makes sleeping in the bush more comfortable than I ever would’ve guessed. It’s 1.30am and I can hear people having fun to 60s music in the distance and crashing waves setting the scene. I’m warm, there’s fresh air all around and I’m reading Angels and Demons.

That was how night one of Super Summer Started ended for me. It’s been a fantastic day, starting at 9am from Wellington with my partner in crime and two mates and arriving at the beach just after 3pm. The next few hours were spent ferrying gear to our chosen campsite, drinking, and reacquainting ourselves with freedom. The water is just “warm” enough to paddle in. I’ve been trained in how to throw a frisbee properly by two Ultimate players but I still can’t do it very well. I can catch though :D

We enjoyed girls against boys soccer game for a short time, running on the beach uses a whole different set of leg muscles!

Dinner is green salad, potato salad, sausages and bread. By then we’re all starving and most are drunk. The sun goes down and a bright red full moon comes up. We drink to the moon.

Tonight is amateurs night in the marquee. The musicians are bloody fantastic and manage to get the crowd dancing and singing (when we know the words). The final act is Afternoon Raj, a Wellington five piece which have been on and off since 2005. They pull out three awesome originals and a fantastic cover of Britney Spears’ …Baby One More Time. I really hope they carry on with the band because I can’t wait till they have their songs recorded and I can share them with you.

Night two

In preparation for the final night the tables were moved under the marquee for speeches and prize giving. Dinner was burgers with green salad and potato salad again. Making it two nights in a row of salad sandwiches and potatoes for dinner because I don’t eat meat. Thankfully breakfast and lunch was hot food; hashbrowns, eggs and english muffins (and bacon for the omnivores) at breakfast, and nachos at lunch. There were woodfired pizzas all through the afternoon too. I’m not exaggerating when I say these pizzas are the best I have ever had. So simple! Some mozzarella and herbs and hey presto, mouth orgasm. If you’re in Wellington look out for the guys with the portable woodfire oven, red base and white oveny bit. They’ll be starting up business soon.

My day had been spent reading in the tent amongst nature and listening to the boy spew about 7 times. He got so drunk on Friday night! After all the spewing and 4 naps he was becoming human again.

A waterslide was set up and we got to see a lot of guys blind themselves with detergent and scratch themselves up by sliding off the end onto the grass.
This video pretty much sums it up.

After dinner and speeches it was down to the beach for a bonfire and sparklers. I discovered our cameras fireworks settings for slow shutter speed just in time. By now the boy and I didn’t feel like drinking and went back to the tent for a 20 minute rest before the Thomas Oliver Band played. I should’ve realised that with the boy’s lingering hangover that we were never going to see the band. He was snoring a few minutes later, leaving me to lie awake another night with the bass pumping through the ground unable to sleep. Thankfully the bass was good.

Morning two – Final day

Sunday morning was pack up time. Traipsing the hills with rubbish bags collecting bottle and cans. The marquee now smells like a long established bar with the disgusting smell of warm spilt beer. Urgh.

Breakfast was quite late so we were starving by the time it was served at 11.30am. No one went hungry though with the mass piles of hashbrowns and bacon left over, people were either too hung over to leave their tents or had left early to go back home, perhaps trying to avoid the Toast Martinborough traffic down the road.

Thanks SO much to all of the organisers and especially to the Masons. It was so nice to see a large group of young people looking out for each other making it a fantastic and safe weekend despite all the booze and drugs :D

Looking forward to the next one already.


The rest of the photos and videos

Today, America, You Can Change The World

Please don’t leave it to chance, thinking Obama is going strong, and therefore you don’t need to vote. That it’s not worth it anyway because the system s corrupt.

The WHOLE WORLD is counting on you. If the world could vote shows 87% of over 750,000 voters from around the world would choose Barack Obama as the next president. New Zealand sits at 92.9% for Obama.

Also, Vote NO on prop 8.