A) Started eating meat
B) Smoked a substance for the first time
C) Took a new boy to meet my mother
D) All of the above

We love winners in this country right? Well you’re all winners. Because in the past week I have done all of the above! (D: or :D ?)

It all started 2 weeks ago as we had a final gathering before Kate and Jason left for 2 months of honeymooning in America. Jason made pulled pork and I’d heard about his pulled pork since the day I moved into 361. I gave in. I realised I wasn’t so disgusted by meat any more. And I haven’t stopped eating it since.

At some point at the gathering a (I’m assuming very drunk and stoned) friend dropped a wee bag of weed on the kitchen floor and I found it while cleaning up. It had been decided a while ago that I would try marijuana at some point, so this opportunity was kind of perfect. Prior to this I’d never even had a puff on a cigarette. So my throat burnt, and my eyes stung a bit. But I did it, and am apparently one of the few that is affected in the first try. An odd feeling of knowing what I was doing but not being able to control it ended up making me think throwing a marshmallow back and forth was pretty damn hilarious.

Last but not least I am writing this from Mum’s house. All the way up in Ngaruawahia, an 8 hour drive from home.
Having not seen Mum since January, when I finally convinced my friend from school to come see me in Wellington I decided to drive back up with her. B (man friend for the past 6 months, have I told you about him yet?) agreed it was time to meet Mum as well and so we all piled in the car for the long drive. Mum says ‘he seems like I really nice guy’. I say ‘he’s just putting it on to impress you’. I kid.

Although our new sommelier friend was loud and crass and drunk, ruined a (gross pashing) couples date, broke a glass and ended up being politely told by his friend/the owner (Blair – so lovely despite our rudeness) that it was time to leave, his wine choosing ability was not impaired. I have neither the interest or money to need to remember what we drank but I can tell you it was two whites and a red that were fucking amazing, and I’m quite glad I don’t know how much they cost or I’d be feeling more than a bit guilty.

For the sometimes wine drinker like myself who can’t tell one amazing wine from another it wasn’t so much the wine I was interested in. I didn’t realise I was there for the food either, until I tried it. And boy oh boy, did I try it. Like sex on a plate the antipasti platter was some of the best food I have tasted in my whole life. I am kicking myself for being oblivious to the delights of Vivo until now, labelling it as a wine bar I wouldn’t be interested in when really the perfect food and comfy but flashy booths are everything I have been looking for.

I know where I’ll be taking my next out of town guest!

Vivo Enoteca Cucina, 19 Edward St, Wellington

If peanut butter cookies are too much work and apple pie takes too much planning then read on…

Being both lazy and addicted to sugar I often find myself in a situation where I desperately need a sugar hit but I’ve already eaten the two bags of lollies I bought with the groceries, there is no pie in the freezer, I don’t want to leave the house, I can’t be bothered baking, and no one feels like enabling my addiction by popping down to the dairy for a block of chocolate.

To cope with this sick sad situation I have devised numerous ways of getting my fix without resorting to any sort of work. If you ever find yourself desperate you can try these too.

• A quick and easy place to start is a cold beverage. If you have fizzy in your fridge it’s an obvious choice. Alternatively you can dissolve a tablespoon of milo or other chocolate drink in a small amount of hot water and then top it up with cold milk. Lime concentrate works well as it’s so full of sugary syrup. I also have a large bottle of banana flavoured milkshake syrup in the pantry. Add some of this to milk for a cheats milkshake. There’s an added bonus of getting your daily calcium needs.
• Hot beverages can be great too, tea with 3 teaspoons of sugar or a hot chocolate with two heaped tablespoons of choc.
• As long as you’ve got bread and sugar on hand there is an easy treat around. Simply toast and butter your bread then cover in sugar. Yum!
  You can get fancy with this one by using a mixture of brown and raw sugar with cinnamon. Sprinkle it on and grill for little while so the sugar start to melt.
• If you have some bananas they can also be mashed on to toast and covered in sugar.
• Who needs to slave over an apple pie made from scratch when you’ve got a toasty maker.
  Slice your apple thinly into a bowl and microwave it for a bit to soften it up.
  Layer the apple on a piece of white bread and sprinkle with sugar.
  Put another piece of bread on top and toast in the toasty maker.
  Pseudo apple pie!
• If you’re a fan of coconut like me bread covered in jam and desiccated coconut is a lazy girls louise slice.
• With a wee bit of fore planning you can buy some candy that you like but isn’t your favourite. Preferably something that takes a while to eat like lollipops or peppermints. When all the good stuff this will still be available until your next store run.
• Last but certainly not least is every little girls favourite – fairy bread! Y’all know what to do.

So now you’ve heard some of my tips, what are yours? Maybe we could make a lazy girls desert book?

Because I’m a rather lazy housewife I always look for the easiest recipes when I bake. Peanut butter cookies are one of the simplest things to make and take hardly any time. Another great thing about this recipe is that it can easily be gluten free! Just omit the baking powder, many recipes don’t include the baking powder anyway.

• Mix a cup of peanut butter with a cup of sugar
• Stir in one teaspoon of baking powder and an egg
• Place spoonfulls on a baking tray and flatten with a fork, make sure they’re at least an inch apart
• Bake in a 350°F oven for 10 minutes
• Leave to cool for 5-10 minutes

So easy! I altered the recipe a bit so I could use a whole jar of peanut butter.
I mixed the 375g jar of peanut butter with one and a half cups of sugar, one and a half teaspoons of baking powder and two eggs.
There wasn’t enough room on the tray to space them out properly so I put them closer. Bad idea! These cookies spread like mad and ended up becoming one big cookie!

They will be quite crumbly when they’re just taken out of the oven but they harden up a little more once they’re cooled.

These very dense, very peanutty cookies are great with a glass of milk.

I wanted to include this advert in yesterday’s Pick N Mix but couldn’t find it online anywhere. It has shown up on NZ TV recently after big changes made by one of our major chocolate manufacturers. Cadbury has moved production to Australia, reduced the size of their blocks of chocolate, reduced the amount of cocoa solids in the chocolate and added palm oil to their recipe (which not only negatively affects the taste of the chocolate but also contributes to deforestation in Indonesia).

Whittakers’ is taking a well deserved dig at them here. I think without even trying Whittakers’ has just taken a large chunk of Cadbury’s consumer base, Cadbury basically handed it to them on a platter.

If you would like to protest against Cadbury’s use of palm oil you can join the Facebook group or sign the petition.

I do occasionally bake from scratch, it’s just that usually I’m too lazy, which is what last weeks Baking With Kim showed you.

Today I made scones from the Edmonds Cookbook. I don’t know if I’m doing it wrong but scones are always SO messy when I make them! I end up with half the mixture lodged under my nails. It’s worth it for the end product though.

Cut 75g of butter into 3 cups of flour + 6 teaspoons of baking powder + 1/4 teaspoon of salt.

Mix in 1 – 1+1/2 cups of milk. Knead out the scone dough and cut into 12 pieces. Place in a 220°C oven for 10 minutes or until they’re golden.

While the scones are cooking prepare the all important toppings. Whip that cream, it’s the reason I make scones!

The finished product. Topped with The Boys mums home made jam and whipped cream. Delicious!

1. Find the cheapest frozen apple pie available at your local supermarket
2. Remove it from the box and place it in an oven heated to 180°C for 35-40 minutes

3. Remove from oven and admire the fruits of your domestic labour

4. Serve doused in cream. Don’t bother to whip it first, it tastes great without whipping. Shake it in the bottle for a bit of extra texture.
5. Leave any dishes for your significant other

Witty, informative and tasty as a ma’a fucker – The boy

Apologies for the lack of posting yesterday. I was being fed and wined at Elements Cafe in Lyall Bay for the boys Xmas function.

The event is called ‘What’s Cooking?’ and is held a couple of times a month. It’s a relaxed cooking class where the owner of the restaurant, Scott (who is a chef) demonstrates the cooking and feeds us immediately after with dishes prepared in the kitchen (here’s one I prepared earlier!). While we are waiting for the food to arrive the wine speaker Drew tells us about the wine match for the meal.
It’s all done with a large amount of wit and humour, Drew is American and Scott is Australian so there are a lot of digs at their own cultures and comparisons made to the Kiwi culture, it’s highly instructional at the same time.

Scott offers to unveil any cooking secrets we want to know.

He wants cooking to be fun and easy, and tries to make us see that it doesn’t have to be as hard as it sounds in the recipes. “Blanche means plunge into hot water and refresh means plunge into cold water”!

The main course was pork belly, I don’t eat pork so some beautiful gurnard fish was prepared for me along with the jersey benne potatoes and asparagus (Scott raved about Jersey Benne potatoes, it’s something all of you who live outside of New Zealand are missing out on!). The fish was especially delicious. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. The wine match with this meal was a red, I don’t drink red wine but Drew was still very fun to listen to. He is REALLY into wine, he taught me that Malbec, a type of wine I’ve never heard of is “sexy”.

Desert was a meringue with cream, strawberries, and sugar syrup. It was so delicious! Even the boy liked it and he’s not a big fan of sweets. Some of the other guys in our group loved the meringue so much they stole the demo meringue off the table and scoffed it without knowing how old it was.

The wine match was a Coney “Ragtime” Riesling. It was delicious! Highly drinkable, and I don’t usually like wine.

In all it was a great night. I didn’t know what to expect when we went in but I was very impressed by everything including the decor.

Be sure to check out Elements Cafe next time you’re in Lyall Bay.

This is why I love New Zealand so much. Amongst all the PC talk there are still a few people out there with a sense of humour and some great marketing skills. A bit like Hell Pizza and Burger Fuel.

Murder Burger staff wanted