I’ve realised lately that I’m in a good space and working on what I actually want to do now. How do I know this?

I’m temping and getting on with it but my mind is full of jewellery ideas I’d like to work on, photos I want to be taking, and blog posts I want to be writing.

When people ask what I do I tell them I temp 6 months of the year, as well as all the other stuff. Because that’s true. I have officially gotten to a point in my life where I can live on half of my temping wage while I’m temping, and spend the other half of my wage during the 6 months of the year I’m not officially employed.

My birthday, an unusually beautiful and sunny one (spring time in Wellington = rain), was spent nursing a hangover of both the food and alcohol varieties, having high tea with some of my ladies, and working. I couldn’t wait to have a few hours to myself so I could edit some photos, write some words, and sketch some ideas.

The crazy giftmas season has kicked in and orders have shifted into high gear. It’s been quite overwhelming juggling 40 hours in the office, social engagements every night, blogging every day, and filling all the orders in time. But I’m still really happy, I want to give up less than ever. And it’s a really great space to be in.

Over the past few years I’ve struggled constantly with the idea that maybe I’m just doing the jewellery and blogging thing because I couldn’t think of anything else. But I’m pretty sure that as long as I’m crafting and sharing my thoughts I’m where I want to be.

Money or no.

[Title courtesy of Cartman]

The ways creative people work, and get inspired, are as numerous as the creatives themselves. But as with everything there is a stereotype that fits: the tortured artist. One that both needs the pain of heartbreak and misunderstanding to create, and is heartbroken and misunderstood due to their creations. The vicious cycle seems to work for their art, but maybe not for their mental health.

I however am not a tortured artist. When I am tortured the creativity disappears. I need time, space, but most of all happiness to be creative. I need a fit mental state that is unburdened by destructive tendencies. When I feel bad I feel like crawling into a sheet fort and eating comfort food.

When I’m happy though, then I’m bursting with everything. I may be too busy to write, but I get hits of inspiration that leave me needing to use words. A new crush, amazing music, ridiculous times with friends when nothing is on your mind but the moment. Even the happiness of being completely comfortable and sated with my situation.

I need those days to create.

Those days are not an everyday occurrence anymore. But when they’re here they’re amazing.

dancing in the rain + Feeble + a joyous assembly

My sister once had a friend who we nicknamed ‘Bigger, Badder, Meaner’ or BBM. Anything that Kris did she did bigger, with more money, and more people. They were only 6 or so, but even at that age no one likes one-upmanship. Those sorts of games cause insecurities. Stupid insecurities. And I’m here to tell you that life is not a pissing contest. You don’t have to have the biggest, bestest, everything to enjoy life.

I’m not prettier than you. I’m not skinny, I’m not the best cook, the best dresser, or the tidiest person around. I live in a small house, I don’t come from a wealthy family, I’m not university educated, I don’t know shit about politics. I can’t speak any language except English, I can’t play an instrument, and I can’t draw. I live an 8 hour drive from my family and I’ve only seen my youngest brother a couple of times each year since he was born. I live at the end of the Earth in a country with 4 million people and 40 million sheep, in a capital with a city centre that is so small you can walk from one end to the other in 20 minutes.

But despite all of that I love my life, I love that the older I get the more comfortable I feel about myself. I love knowing that if I do ever “make it” it’ll be from hard work.

I choose to look one the bright side.

I’m not prettier, but I have great manageable hair, big eyes and long dark eyelashes. I’m not formally educated, but I spent the time others spent at uni getting my first job and learning heaps while getting paid, plus I don’t have a huge loan. I don’t have a big house, so it’s easy to heat and there’s less to clean, I hate cleaning. I don’t see my family often, so every time I do see them is special, I love them very much. I live in a small country, making it easier to get noticed, and amazing if I get recognised in the International scene.

You have to make the most of what you’ve got. Moaning about your hand isn’t going to make it better. It’s great to have dreams, but don’t live in the what if and let your actual life pass you by.